she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
