I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
