She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
