Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
