I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
