Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
