Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She bit a glass in half.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
