Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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