You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
