The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
