i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
