I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
