apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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