dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
