I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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