She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
