omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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