chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
