if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
