Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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