Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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