Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
