you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
