So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
