You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
