Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
