He disabled his match.com account in front of me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So vagazzling was a success
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
