Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
