i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
