My room smells like vodka and shame
Sponge bath it is.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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