I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
