The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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