I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
