i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
