were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
