YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
