Can i not drive my cunt home
wanna go halves on a baby?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
