Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
