Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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