Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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