when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
