And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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