if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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