Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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