i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My cat gives me a boner
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
