Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
