i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
