I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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