Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
