we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
