you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
