all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize