Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
