I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
