if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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