I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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