dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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