we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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