Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
