i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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