just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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