I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
