Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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