matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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