ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
