just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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