So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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