she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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