The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We have so much sex to catch up on
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
